Mad February Roundup

Winter might be on the wane but those hapless criminals certainly aren’t – February saw another shedload of attempted break-ins go awry yet again. When will these hoodlums learn that crime doesn’t pay? Not any time soon, apparently. Here is a handful of the more hilarious botched burglary stories from around the globe.

Welsh intruder calls police on himself

A Bangor burglar found himself banged to rights after smashing his way into the home of a local millionaire, only to do himself a mischief in the act of thievery and be forced to call the rozzers… on himself.

Practiced bandit and long-time bad egg Christopher Steel alleges he was chased into the lavish mansion by four armed men, where he sought refuge, a telephone and a glass of water. Finding the H2O too hot for his liking, he swigged a mouthful of orange juice from the fridge before keeling over in a mess and calling the fuzz to come to his rescue.

Though Steel didn’t actually steal anything apart from the OJ, Judge Niclas Parry branded his story as “implausible” and sentenced the repeat offender to 10 months in the slammer to think about what he’d done.

Pushbike getaway ends in smashed guitar fiasco

An inebriated and opportunistic music aficionado made off with £16,000 worth of stolen guitars from a specialist shop in Scarborough… on a pushbike. However, the ill-fated heist went belly-up after the police tracked him down with the minimum of fuss – and the guitars were damaged beyond repair in his getaway attempt.

57-year-old Steven Downes broke into Guitar Galleries in the middle of the night after a session on the sauce, alerting neighbours with the racket he made and allowing them to call the emergency services. Despite pilfering five rare guitars and absconding on his bicycle, he was soon caught up with by the long arm of the law.

The instruments, with a total value of £16,549, were scratched and marked beyond salvage and had to be put down, while the culprit was locked up for 16 months.

No winners, only trapped losers

Across the pond in the good ol’ U S of A, a wannabee bar bandit tried to sneak into a Greater New York watering hole after hours, only to get stuck inside the exhaust vent. 26-year-old George Romero waited until Winners Bar on Broadway in Elmhurst shut up for the night before prying the vent cap off the building’s exterior.

He wriggled his way into the duct, only to find himself trapped with no hope of escape. He was found the next morning at 10.45am when bar staff came in to open up and the boys in blue were quickly summoned to lube him up, slip him out and cart him off to a jail cell.

He is to be charged with third-degree burglary, criminal mischief, and half-baked skulduggery.

No shirt, no shoes, no service

Down under, another feckless felon saw his attempts to hold up a hotel come to nothing after the man received no service. The cretin marched into the Wangaratta Hotel in Victoria wielding a blade and shouting to high heaven, before banging the knife on the surface of the bar to try and attract the attention of the hotel staff.

However, his threats of violence went unheeded and no-one appeared to serve him, so the disgruntled crook left empty-handed. His attempted robbery only came to light because he was caught on the CCTV looking like a right wally.

Home security is no laughing matter

Though these stories show a lighter side to home intrusion, the reality is that thousands of burglaries take place every day. Make sure your home is secured by taking all of the necessary precautions and installing an up-to-date home security system – for friendly, professional advice, get in touch with the dedicated team at Blackburn Arms today.