Mad August Roundup

Though the season is slowly slipping away from us, some people are clearly still suffering from summer fever. Throughout the course of August, bungled burglaries took place up and down the British Isles as well as further afield, with hapless criminals being caught through such ludicrous reasons as the pattern of their boxer shorts and their addiction to tobacco.

Here’s a quick rundown of the silliest and stupidest stories from the world of cack-handed crime in August.

Boxing clever

A man was arrested earlier this month for burglary and dangerous driving, with the most crucial piece of incriminating evidence his own underwear. 39-year-old Darren Machon had been rummaging around in the cupboards of an unsuspecting homeowner when he was surprised by her arrival. Though he escaped, she managed to catch a glimpse of his distinctive boxers, which featured hamburgers, chips and donuts.

After reporting the snappy dresser to police, they found that by chance they had a ne’er-do-well in their cells with the same bold boxer shorts. It was then simply a case of the Old Bill putting two and two together and coming up with 34 months in the slammer for Machon.

Gasping for a fag

In Burnley, one man’s addiction to cigarettes cost him dearly after he was caught raiding the practice of a dental surgery. Mark Ellis had been helping himself to all manner of dental accoutrements before he was disturbed by the owner, who quickly summoned police. Ellis fled to the loft and thought he had evaded capture when the police left, sparking up a victory cigarette to celebrate.

Unfortunately for the 40-year-old, the dentist was still downstairs and quickly called the rozzers back in, who strong-armed him off to the local nick for his troubles.

Too many phones to keep track of

Meanwhile in Kent, a prolific burgling pair were scuppered by leaving their booty from one robbery behind in another. They first broke into a house in Borstal and swiped cash, valuables, a Citroen C3 and a Nokia smartphone, before hitting another joint two miles down the road in Gillingham.

Here they pilfered another phone and some electrical gear, but in their haste to fill up their swag bags to the top, they left behind the Nokia. Police were then able to locate the stolen Citroen, pull the clumsy duo over and pin both crimes on them.

Neighbourly behaviour

Further afield, a Miami woman was convicted of several robberies in her very own street after the belongings of her victims were found in her rubbish bin. Her latest endeavour – and the one that ended her spree – took place in the house right next door, as Jessica Shere Coggins waited until her neighbours went off on their jollies and decided to strike.

In their absence, she made off with jewellery, precious coins and several bottles of Sam Adams beer, which she would later discard – unopened and still cold – into her outside bin. It was this act which was the undoing of Coggins, as police were able to link her not only to this break-in but to another one down the street, as well.

911, I’m stuck!

Finally, a foolish wannabee cat burglar from Vancouver, Canada, was forced to phone 911 on himself after getting stuck on the roof of the home he was attempting to ransack. The 51-year-old had identified a skylight as a weak point in the building’s security, but after being unable to break through, he reluctantly gave up the ghost and handed himself in.

“Even a skylight can be an attractive invitation to an agile cat burglar,” explained local sergeant Randy Fincham. “This cat wisely chose to save one of his nine lives and called 9-1-1 for help.”

Home security is no laughing matter

Though these stories show a lighter side to home intrusion, the reality is that thousands of burglaries take place every day. Make sure your home is secured by taking all of the necessary precautions and installing an up-to-date home security system – for friendly, professional advice, get in touch with the dedicated team at Blackburn Arms today.