Mad July Roundup

This July saw an exciting summer of sport, as England were unceremoniously dumped out of the Euros by unfancied minnows Iceland, with Wales faring better en route to the semis. Thankfully, there were no similar robberies at SW19, as Scotsman Andy Murray reclaimed the crown he first won in 2013 after favourite Novak Djokovic had his pockets picked by American Sam Querrey.

Across the globe, amateur burglars were out in force as well, attempting to make off with big bags of swag in the UK, Europe and beyond… but not all of them were as successful as Iceland and Querrey. Here’s a rundown of some of the more glaring headlines from the world of botched break-ins in July.

Caught red-handed and purple-footed

Two opportunistic thieves in Kirkham, Lancashire, held up a security van transporting cash to local supermarket Morrisons and made off with a strongbox containing £32,000. But while the pair were successful in cracking open the safe, they weren’t expecting the failsafe purple dye inside which was triggered by their illicit entry.

Within half an hour the long arm of the law had caught up to the lilac looters and found the purple dye all over their shoes, thus incriminating them in the robbery. The pair pleaded guilty and asked for a lighter sentence given the fact that the planned heist was “unsophisticated”… but unsurprisingly the judges didn’t take pity on their incompetence and locked them up for eight and 11 years respectively.

Thirsty work, this thieving

In Leicester, a dehydrated bandit was fingered when his DNA was found atop the rim of a vodka bottle in the victim’s house he had just burgled. Christopher Salman swiped a laptop from a flat on Fosse Road South while its owner, a media student, was out. The unlucky owner lost thousands of photographs and a full year’s research, but left out a bottle of vodka three-quarters full on her kitchen worktop.

The temptation proved too much for Salman, who swigged around half of the bottle’s remaining contents before scarpering into the night. However, the Old Bill were able to analyse his fingerprints and saliva and create an airtight case against him. He was given two years.

Scuppered by a sweet tooth

Meanwhile a serial burglar in Devon was foiled by his own weakness for all things sweetness and light. On two separate occasions, Robert Doyle succumbed to temptation and ate half a Wispa bar and most of an entire cake, thus leaving behind vital DNA data with which the police could nail him to the wall (not literally, thankfully).

Doyle, who incidentally has stolen food on several previous occasions, was sent to the slammer for 20 weeks to think about what he’d done.

Pepper spray slipup in Perth

From Australia comes the most hilarious bungled burglary of all, as two inept teenagers attempted to rob a chemist in Perth, WA. The young men tried to make off with a number of items from the pharmacy but only ended up clutching a bundle of sleep apnoea masks, which they’ll most likely use to forget the embarrassment of what came next.

After staff gave chase on the pair into the car park, one of the lads pulled out a can of pepper spray and tried to squirt it into the face of the chemist – only to find he was holding it the wrong way round and inadvertently blinded himself. Meanwhile, his equally dopy accomplice branded a knife… and promptly cut himself in the process. Though they managed to evade capture, there’s no hiding from their own shame.

Home security is no laughing matter

Though these stories show a lighter side to home intrusion, the reality is that thousands of burglaries take place every day. Make sure your home is secured by taking all of the necessary precautions and installing an up-to-date home security system – for friendly, professional advice, get in touch with the dedicated team at Blackburn Arms today.